tomorrow going back to school already.
kinda b0red and don't feel like going back to school.
eugene thought i don't like our class.but is not la.i just don't feel like continue study this course.but still,i have to finish this course i guess.hais.
well,this few days happen alot of things.nothing good la actually.haha.
i find that,when you* with me.i don't find that you are happy.the happy is having fun and is totally different whenever you with your friends and me.but you are not who you are.i find that,when you with your friends,i believe it is more crazy and that's you i guess.you scare to face consequences together with me.i know you scare to make me angry and quarrel with me.whenever we quarrel i realise both of us use vulgarities to each other.well,maybe is because the people around you mix or somethings i don't know.but i don't use vulgarities when i quarrel already.everything need times to change.i don't wish to stress you up because i know when you with me,you will change.you and your friends will not be that close anymore.you have to be two person whenever you with me and your friends.just be yourself.i don't wish you to repeat my history.when i was sec2 till sec3 i change alot.when a person change mature can't stand the people out there childish and we will think more than them.your age now,if i make you think alot.whatever things you do you will think before you decide to do anything.unlike your friends.it will be hard to communicate with your friends unless you influence them.is hard for them to accept the way you are.they will dislike me for what i have done to you and make you change and you will lose your friends.everything can't handle properly.you must know that.whatever you do,what's the out come?guess you are not sure about that.for you,you finds that you are devoted to me and you finds that you really love me is because everything starts from me.i make you realise somethings that you never go thru before.when you with charlotte and with me totally cannot compare.with her* you are still a passive.with me now you are a bung.everything change and can't compare.a bung have to think more than a passive do.whatever i say here,is the fact and it will be going on.i wanna let you know is because i don't mind whatever going on and i can go thru all this but is you.whether can you go thru everything and to accept everything.because i know is very hard for you to decide.there's no choice but you have to think.if you really don't wish to think i also won't force you.almost everyone waiting for things to come and to think what to do.i don't deny i'm one of them at times.somethings even though we know what will happen but somethings will stil change and that's the things that we never expected.everyone do deserve a chance.nobody is perfect i know.since i can give people chance i'm gonna give you too.at times,i seriously don't really like the way you reply like yesterday.to you,you finds that is all because of charlotte who are the one who telling me everything to turns everything to become like that.i didn't blame charlotte is because there's one day i need to be awake to settle everything between me n her and you.i know you done nothing wrong and we didn't mean to pull you into the picture.but the fact that you have to know what happen.charlotte thinks alot whether wanna tell you anot.well,she message you that time i really don't know until she called me.whatever she message you she did tell me and i approve that than she message you.to you,you find that she lecture you.but the fact that,somethings she type to you i don't know until at night she told me about it.both of you can't accept the way both of you talking about it.at that moment you must be thinking why i'm not the one who telling you personally.i wanted to pass you the letter but now don't have too.the day i wanted to pass you letter is the day i wanna settle everything.i'm prepare whatever out come.whatever i say here,i'm honest and the day i wanna be with you i really wish to stay one and only one.but still i thought that i could be strong like charlotte and being independent.but i'm not after i see charlotte change suddenly.everyone do have a habit.when a person change you will feel weird.when charlotte change that moment seriously i feel damn hurt.you wanna know why that few days i can't sleep well and keep crying.whatever you read in this blogg is whatever happens to me and going on and bother about me.
charlotte,at that time when i know you message her* nothing can change already.what have done is already done.i'm the one who are suppose to talk and tell her everything but not you.but since you already start that's why i approve.i didn't blame you is because there's no point to blame when is already done.now important is whether who to choose.i know both of you are devoted.i understand how you feel charlotte.chances have been giving you alot.since i can give you chance i can give her* chance too.but i seriously i didn't treat anyone as a spare tyre.i know i can't have two.i also know is hard for me to give up either one.i did really think of giving up for both.i find that she* done nothing wrong and she do deserve a chance from me.i did think of going back to you* but still everyone do have fears and the fears is there.i don't know how long i need to change if i really with you.i really can't stand the way we quarrel at times.i know everything starts from me and i shall end it myself.i'm thinking of giving up both and put down the past and get a new life and forget everything and go with a new person.but still what holds me on was her* is because we just know not long.you will think that i'm rushing in a relationship because of what we have done.but that day i decide to break off with you i really don't intend to go back the past.you have been suffering in this one month plus.not only you but me too.as i say whether i do or never give you a chance three of us still will get hurt.we have miss alot of things and chances to be together.everything stop us being together actually but you say is not.everything is mind game as you say.both of us thought that somethings we do we can be back.but both of us are wrong.the things that we are holding back and the things that we do and make each other feel that we are moving on.but actually we are still holding back.i know problems lies on me.even you say you can wait and everything but you already say you are tired and you already tried so hard in this month.somethings i hope but i don't wish.since you have been suffering lots in this one month.it shows that even if we are together is for sure that i wont stay one and only one.even if she's* not the one,there will still be other people and it will be the same and i really need time to stay one and only one to you.you say is fine with you but i know is not to me.i know i'm treating you* very unfair.i know you love me and you can do anything for me like no one can replace you.you treat me more like a mother.the age between you* and her* can't even compare.me and charlotte do think lots than you* that's because our age and the things that we are facing.there's alot of things is going different.i don't know how to explain to you but everyone have to go thru things around our age.
whatever i type here,you* and her* will push me to each other.charlotte choose to step out is because she ask me a question.do i love her.i can't even answer her that's because the fear is there and when she ask me if i love you.i say yes.whenever i with you i don't know why my feeling is strong and happy.but the fact the i with you maybe we both are avoiding somethings especially me.everyone lifes won't be going smoothly.i getting don't understand what's love.maybe is getting numb or somethings.but the fact that i do still have feelings.yesterday i really think about it.guess the answer still can't come out.yesterday night chat with charlotte.is all i type here.all is here.this sentence i'm gonna say here is quite unfair to charlotte but i'm stating the fact.if i give you a chance to being with you* even if we break up.if i really go back to charlotte,i never treat you as a spare tyre before.if the day,you never give me chance that's it.i will continue.i just saying if.there's a possible but nobody knows include me.i damn headache yesterday and i really can't take it.
sharon is damn cute la.the meow meow.haha. <3
choose her better =x well,that's impossible.i didnt regret having you as my friend.
we are close and get along well.she always be there for me too.thanks my dear.hehe.take care.i miss you so much.shall meet up some other day.
